
Each month in this section, Kay offers actionable career consulting tips.
The Three R’s for Quick Conflict Resolution
My lead article this month discusses three different types of conflict – blame, battle and boundaries. The reasons for conflict are many, and solutions abound. However, the 3R method is an easy way to remember how to successfully navigate most any conflict resolution.
The 3 R’s: Retreat, Reflect, Respond.
Too often, our knee jerk reaction to a conflict is an immediate response. The world of social media and online connectedness propagates this phenomenon. However, the tortoise wins the race in this case. Take some time to work through the encounter, and the outcome will prove much more productive.
Retreat: Take a time out. Literally. Do not respond immediately. Rather, remove yourself from the situation as much as your work allows. For some, this may be as extravagant as a day off, for others, it can be a walk outside, or a lunch break. These are physical ways to remove yourself, but you can also retreat emotionally or mentally from the situation. If the conflict at hand stirs up anger, instead of reacting immediately, try putting in some earbuds and listening to music or a podcast while you work through the initial reaction. If the situation is so intense that work seems impossible, and you can’t remove yourself from the office, turn to a mental break. Try working on a more simple project, email catch-up or calendar planning while you get your emotions back in check.
Reflect: What is at the core of the matter, and what is the end goal? Think about why the interaction made you upset. Is it something you can fix yourself, or must it involve a response to another person? After you’ve identified the cause of your anger, avoid just venting about the situation. There is a time and place for that, but it’s not at work. You need to remain composed and maintain a certain level of professionalism. Determine the end goal and create a plan to achieve it.
Respond: So, what is your plan to reach your end goal? Make sure it includes remaining calm, and sticking to the facts. Rehearse your response a few times either in your head, or to a trusted confidant before you approach your co-worker. Adding a little humor, if appropriate, can help ease tension around the situation. Once you are confident in your response, approach your colleague with sincerity and address the situation.
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